I Fell Off the Wagon

Hardcore.

It started with my birthday. What a perfect time to throw caution to the wind, right? And then I went on vacation. When I got back I just fell right back in with my old really bad habits: fast food breakfasts and often lunches, as well. No veggies or fruits. Soda.

(Sigh) Time to start from scratch again!

What's That Green Stuff Served Before My Dinner?

Salad. Blech! But I'm trying a biteful here and there. Here are some tips I ran across on the internet today that might be useful:

" Salad bars can be diet salvation or junk-food minefields. Here's how to get from one end to the other without detonating an explosion of bad fats, sodium, sugar, and refined carbs.

1. Go dark on greens: Build a vitamin -- and fiber-packed --foundation by starting with roughly 1 cup of spinach and romaine leaves (for more than half of your daily vitamin A and all of your K, plus some C, folate, two potent vision protectors, and more). Skip'em: Lighter greens tend to offer less nutritionally. Iceberg lettuce, for instance, delivers only about 7% of the A you need, some K and not much else.

2. Go bright on veggies: Next, add about 1 cup of the most colorful crudités - broccoli, carrots, cherry tomatoes, green and red peppers, beets, like that. Ounce for ounce, vibrant veggies give you more fiber, minerals, vitamins, and disease-fighting antioxidants than their paler companions, like celery and cucumbers. Skip'em: Anything coated in mayo or an indefinable dressing, including carrot and raisin mixes, cole slaw, and potato salad.

3. Choose lean proteins: Aim for about ½ cup of these. Chickpeas and kidney beans are nifty sources of fat-free protein (6 grams each). Sliced hard-boiled eggs (8 grams) are another smart choice; just limit the yolk to limit the fat. Skip'em: Chicken, tuna, or crab salads - they're usually made with high-fat mayo; three-bean salad, which typically is afloat in a sea of oil; and cottage cheese, which is high in aging (read artery-clogging) saturated fat.

4. Sprinkle on extra flavor and crunch: Like cheese? Add 1 tablespoon of Parmesan (22 calories) to punch up the flavor, or 1 tablespoon of walnuts or sunflower seeds for some healthy crunch. Both have good-for-your-heart fats, which help your body absorb the nutrients in all those veggies. Skip'em: Cheddar cubes - you'll quickly eat more than you need; croutons - they may look harmless but at 100 calories per ¼ cup, they're usually high-cal booby traps of refined carbs, sodium, and trans fats. Ditto for crunchy Asian noodles.

5. Dress for success: Now swirl on about 1 tablespoon of heart-healthy olive oil, a splash of vinegar, a grating of pepper, and toss, toss, toss. Ask any chef. It's the secret to a perfect salad - thorough tossing ensures that all the flavors and textures are evenly distributed and lets you use minimal dressing to maximum effect. Skip'em: Walk right past those vats of ready-made salad dressings. Even the low-fat or fat-free versions are usually loaded with salt, sugar, and additives. And just 2 tablespoons of regular blue cheese or ranch have about 160 fat-packed calories
Ready? Dig in. Yum. Mission accomplished!

PS: Prefer a fruit salad? Easy. Go for whatever's fresh - melons, berries, pineapple, kiwi - and top with 1 to 2 tablespoons of chopped walnuts or sunflower seeds for a dollop of good fats and crunchy flavor. Then buy a small container of low- or no-fat yogurt/cottage cheese for creamy protein minus the sat fat in dairy foods. Skip'em: Syrupy canned peaches, apricots, pears, etc. They have far more calories and fewer nutrients than fresh fruit. "

Day Nine: Food Log

Well, let's see. . . Day nine was yesterday, so what can I remember?

* Bowl of Lucky Charms
* Chicken Casserole
* Lean Pocket (something with meat and cheese)
* Mt. Dew
* Grape Juice
* 8 Pringles
* Turkey Burger

Day Eight: Food Log

Uh oh. Day 8? Has it been a whole week? I never ate my veggies:-(

* Bowl of Lucky Charms
* Macaroni and Cheese (but for once I only put 2 spoonfuls of butter in it instead of an entire cup!)
* Chicken Potpie
* Chicken casserole again
* Water (from now on I'm going to quit listing the water. Assume I'm drinking it all the time, unless I specifically list soda or juice or something else.)

This doesn't seem like a lot of food (compared to normal), but I can't remember having anything else. I did a bunch of cleaning today, so I think it distracted me from food.

I've noticed that my biggest challenge comes late at night when I've just gotten home and I'm starving and have access to anything and everything in the fridge. I think that is when I've typically binged on really crappy stuff - like hot dogs (3 or 4 at a time) or ice cream or lunch meat or anything else handy that doesn't have to be prepared.

I might try counting calories in the future (maybe not every day), but I am a little hesitant. The more work it is for me to decide to eat something, the more likely I am to say "forget this!" and quit. (This is what I know from prior experience).

My goals for this next week are to finally work some veggies into my diet and to make a dish or two myself instead of eating prepackaged food packed with preservatives and sodium.

Size Doesn't Matter. . . Really

I went strawberry picking yesterday at a farm with some friends and it was quite fun. Seeing a farm that is not run by an agricultural corporation and the food it produces really shows you just how much they monkey with our food! What we buy in the supermarket has all been bred for size and color to make it look more appealing. We had to keep reminding ourselves that size did not matter, it was all about the color. Unfortunately, I don't even like strawberries, but they sure do look good!

The other stuff in the box is snap peas. I'm not a foodie and hate veggies, so to me they taste like grass.

*This is a cross post from another blog I write, but since it is about food, I thought it was applicable.*

Resist, resist!

I haven't eaten breakfast yet and my roommate just made a hot dog. It smells like the most delicious thing on the planet right now and I want 6 of them. (The bitch).

Day Seven: Food Log

* Cinnamon Raisin bagel w/ cream cheese
* Bowl of Cookie Dough ice cream
* Bowl of Raisin Bran cereal
* Chicken Pot Pie (cheapo Banquet brand)
* Heaping helping of Chicken casserole (broccoli, rice, celery, chicken)
* 10 Cheese Its
* Apple
* Water
* Dr. Pepper

No bike riding to work as it was downpouring! Maybe tomorrow?

Day Six: Food Log and Other Non-Fun Things

Today was bad. I don't feel bad, but my eating was crap and I don't even care. I feel neutral about it. I'm not upset or depressed over making poor choices and won't defensively claim that "I deserve to slack off sometimes". I just don't care. Neutral.

* Cinnamon Crunch bagel (probably the worst bagel for you on the planet) from Panera Bread w/ cream cheese
* Cafe Mocha (no whip cream and only drank half)
* Grilled Chicken honey mustard Snack wrap from McDonald's
* Small coke
* Chicken and swiss Boca sandwich (remember the paper towel?)
* Butterfinger candy bar and Dr. Pepper (from the vending machines at work)
* Baked Chicken breast with extra sharp cheese
* Bubble gum ice cream

I didn't ride my bike to work, either! Just walking and sitting today, I could feel the bruised area, so I thought it would do more harm than good and could use a day off. Too bad. . . the temperature was nice when I got off work tonight.

34 Inches? In My DREAMS!

Take a peek at this article I ran across on the net today:

Japan, a country not known for its overweight people, has started one of the most ambitious campaigns ever undertaken by a nation to slim down its citizenry.

Summoned by the city of Amagasaki one recent morning, Minoru Nogiri, 45, who owns a flower shop, found himself lining up to have his waistline measured. With no visible paunch, he seemed to run little risk of being classified as overweight, or metabo, the preferred word in Japan these days.

But because the new state-prescribed limit for male waistlines is a strict 33 1/2 inches, he had anxiously measured himself at home a couple of days earlier. "I'm on the border," he said.

Under a national law that came into effect two months ago, companies and local governments must measure the waistlines of Japanese people between the ages of 40 and 74 as part of their annual checkups. That represents more than 56 million waistlines, or about 44 percent of the entire population.

Those exceeding government limits - 33 1/2 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women, which are identical to thresholds established in 2005 for Japan by the International Diabetes Federation as an easy guideline for identifying health risks - and suffering from a weight-related ailment will be given dieting guidance if after three months they do not lose weight. If necessary, those people will be steered toward further re-education after six more months.

To reach its goals of shrinking the overweight population by 10 percent over the next four years and 25 percent over the next seven years, the government will impose financial penalties on companies and local governments that fail to meet specific targets. The Ministry of Health argues that the campaign will help check the spread of diseases like diabetes and strokes.

The ministry also says that shrinking waistlines will trim a rapidly aging society's ballooning health care costs, one of the most serious and politically delicate problems facing Japan today.

But critics say that the government guidelines - especially the one about male waistlines - are simply too strict and that more than half of all men will be considered overweight. The effect, they say, will be to encourage overmedication and ultimately raise health care costs.

Yoichi Ogushi, a professor at Tokai University's School of Medicine near Tokyo and an expert on public health, said that there was "no need at all" for the Japanese to lose weight.

"I don't think the campaign will have any positive effect. Now if you did this in the United States, there would be benefits, since there are many Americans who weigh more than 100 kilograms," or about 220 pounds, Ogushi said. "But the Japanese are so slender that they can't afford to lose weight."

Ogushi was actually a little harder on Americans than they deserved. A survey by the National Center for Health Statistics found that the average waist size for white American men was 39 inches, a full inch lower than the 40-inch threshold established by the International Diabetes Federation. American women did not fare as well, with an average waist of 36 1/2 inches, about two inches above the federation's threshold of 34.6 inches.

The differences in thresholds reflected variations in height and body type from Japanese men and women.

Comparable figures for the Japanese are sketchy, but a 1998 study of white-collar men found an average waist size of 30.8 inches. But that modest number apparently was not enough to ease the concerns of Japan's health bureaucrats.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

This is what screws me. I just got home from work a bit ago, it is a little after 11pm, and I'm not starving, but I'm hungry and only the bad stuff looks good. Technically, I shouldn't need another meal for today, but if I'm up at night I get hungry!

I haven't taken the time to put together some good snack alternatives, so I feel like a junkie needing a fix.

"Hey, man, just a little taste, please? A bit of butter? A hunk of cheese? Just lemme stick my tongue in the sugar bowl, man. I swear this'll be the last time!"

Bikes and Fat Asses Just Don't Mix

Ow, ow, ow!

So it seems that my derriere is bruised a little from my bicycle seat. The seat is a tiny little thing if you ask me and it does wedge itself pretty good into some sensitive areas, but I didn't think it would take this much of a toll! I've got tender, bruised spots that aren't quite my woohoo and not quite my bum.

Apparently I need to see if they manufacture wider, cushier seats. Will that be Large or Extra Large, ma'am? Um, do you have a Lard Ass size, please?

PS. I was SO not feeling the bike ride to work tonight, but I did it anyway. My legs felt like jelly at the end of the ride.


Hey this seat looks good! I wonder how much one of these costs?

Day Five: Food Log

* 1 1/2 cups of Tuna (leftover from the other day - so it was still full of mayo)
* 1 baked chicken breast
* 3/4 of a container of Strawberry yogurt (I really don't like yogurt, but can tolerate it a little)
* Stroganoff - made from one of those Lipton packages that you add water, butter, and milk to.
* One cup of leftover Mac 'n Cheese
* One bean and cheese burrito (that cheapy Patio brand that are fifty cents)
* yes, yes tons of water again

Got Munchies?

Okay, so I totally ripped these ideas off of someone else on the internet. This person has a recipe book on the New York Time's Bestseller list, so I'm sure they'll forgive me.

Here are a handful of snack ideas that are only 80 calories!

1. One small Fuji apple with a half-tablespoon T. Marzetti Light Caramel Apple Dip

2. One Boca Meatless Burger (Original) patty with one tablespoon mustard

3. 2.5 ounces 98% fat-free turkey breast with two pickle spears

4. One piece light string cheese with a small handful of grapes

5. One Jell-O Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Snack with five strawberries (for dipping!)

6. Half a toasted light english muffin with a fat-free cheese slice melted on top

German Engineers Can Sure Make You Feel Fat!

Today I went to Six Flags with my roommate and had a lot of body issues paraded before me. To begin with, there are all the half naked women (why is it never the men?) walking around. Pre-teens with skinny legs and knobby knees, old women with veiny feet jammed into sandals that were stylish about a decade ago, and a few who were so large and clad in clingy fabrics I felt a certain amount of smugness that I am not that bad.

I know, I'm a horrible human being for thinking that (but at least I'm honest). I'll admit that typically when I enter a room I assess it to see if I'm the fattest person in the room. I feel terrible when I am and breathe a sigh of relief when I am not. Yes, that is a very stupid thing to hang your self-esteem on, but knowing what's right and acting upon that are two different things. This is the very reason I'm overweight in the first place, correct?

So, anyway, back to these fucking sadistic engineers. . . I noticed signs for some of the rides today warning that "guests of unique body proportions" may have a difficult time riding. One or two even had a sample seat at the ride's entrance for patrons to try out ahead of time. I'd hate to have to do that, but then again I remember several years back standing in line for a roller coaster and watching it get stopped on the first ascent while they pulled a lady off because she was too large for the lap bar to close properly which tripped a safety alarm. She had to walk back down while everyone watched.

I must say I saw some who appeared quite larger than myself on rides today, but I was really wedged into a few of them. Sometimes it is just an issue of big thighs and long legs not getting enough room, but in other cases I think a few more pounds would start to create embarrassing issues. Not that I think the entire world can accommodate everyone, but it is shocking to know that there are some things that are off limits due to the size of your body.

I'm sorry, sir, but you can't be a lawyer, because you are a convicted felon.
Okay.

Regretfully, you cannot become a bus driver, because you failed a drug test.
Thank you.

No, ma'am, you can't sit on a piece of speeding machinery in order to induce high levels of adrenaline and screaming, because your ass is too wide.
Go figure.

Day Four: Food Log

* Bowl of Raisin Bran
* Banana
* Flatbread Turkey and bacon sandwich from Dunkin Donuts
* 1 Large Coke
* Vanilla Ice Cream in waffle cone (does "Hey, I was at Six Flags and this was my treat!" get me off the hook?)
* Foot long Chicken breast from Subway (On the drive home, my roomie said she wanted to stop at Burger King. I not only turned it down, but suggested Subway instead. Yeah, me!)
* Tons of water (naturally)

Damn. Still no veggies. . . I'll work on that tomorrow.

Day Three: Food Log

* Banquet brand (cheapo) turkey pot pie
* Chicken and swiss sandwich (another of those vegan/meatless soy things - a new product. . . It tasted slightly better than a paper towel.)
* 1 cup of Macaroni and Cheese
* 1 piece of cheesecake
* banana
* about one cup of tuna (unfortunately it was crappy canned stuff w/ lots of mayo and pickles)
* Water - not a single soda today!

PS. I rode my bike to work again today.

The Best Thing I Heard This Week

It doesn't take very long for people to figure out that you are on a diet (although I tell them, "I'm not dieting, I'm getting healthy!"). Pass on a piece of cake at a co-worker's party or pull out carrot sticks on break and someone hurls the inquiry across the break room. "You on a diet or sumthin'?"

In my case it was showing up to work on a bike. "Saving gas or working out?" "Both," I responded. Once the word is out, everyone and their brother has advice for you or a story to relate or something they saw in the news. It is a little like being pregnant in that your body and eating habits are now up for public discussion. Anyway, I am in touch with a person or two (fellow healthy wannabes) and we trade advice or encouragement (or scolding, if need be). Today I received some words that were right on the money and I thought I'd share them.

"One good thing to remember about healthy food....don't get stuck in the "fat free" trap. A lot of fat free stuff has added sugar to make it taste better as well as empty calories to help temporarily fill you up. All you end up doing is eating something less flavorful, less satisfying, and then eating more of it to compensate. Even though you're trying to lose weight, remember fat is still your friend, it just has to incorporated wisely and in small amounts."

Smart words, Jodi. . . Bravo!

My issue right now. . .

. . . is that the fridge is filled with tons of leftovers I don't want to waste. So cheesecake and fried chicken and other naughty things will still be popping up on my daily food intake list.

Day Two: Food Log

I didn't ride my bike to work today, because it was wet and sweltering and I haven't figured out how to be presentable for work when the ride makes me hot and sweaty. The first day I just looked like crap (my hair was frizzy and curling weird from the humidity), but that simply cannot be an everyday thing. Heck, part of this new lifestyle I'm trying is to feel more put together on a daily basis. You know those days when you don't look your best and you pray you won't run into anyone you know? I'm trying to have fewer of those! I've had people say things like, "Why don't you drop by after work?" But because I wore pants that were a little too tight or short and the "sensible" shoes and a shirt that may not be so flattering on me, I either decline or have to run home and do a complete overhaul. So. . . I'm trying to keep up on things more.

Anyway, on to the food! Today was a little better. . . at least I started it off right. And, honestly, it was only because I knew I'd have to list it here that I didn't stop at McDonald's for breakfast. (Yea, me and yea, blog!)

* Bowl of oatmeal
* Half an apple
* 2 slices of leftover pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut
* A 6 inch Blimpie Best Sub
* one soda (small, thank you very much)
* tons of water
* Piece of cheesecake (but it was small and imitation)

OHMYGOD!

I bought a bike last night. I bought the cheapest ladies bike WalMart sells and *gasp* I rode it to and *wheeze* from work today. I thought I was going to *cough* DIE!

My work is 9/10ths of a mile from my home and it is completely flat the entire way. This should be easy, but my thighs were burning after about 45 seconds. I knew it would be rough, but, wow, this is a kick in the pants.

I am really and truly starting at square one, folks. Wish me luck!

Day One: Food Log

*Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, hashbrowns, large coke from Mc Donald's.
*Corn dog on a stick (Soy/vegan thing from the frozen food section)
*Lean Pocket - pepperoni pizza
*4 slices of leftover pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut
*banana

Perhaps this is where I should mention that I don't cook. I hope to work on that issue later, but for now it is what it is. This appears to be a really dismal beginning to my venture, but had this been yesterday you'd see at least one more fast food meal on here. And no banana. So all is not quite lost.

Week 1: Grumble, grumble

These are my goals for this week:

1. Cut my soda intake to only one a day. This may sound generous, but I'm currently drinking about 3 - 4 medium or large fast food sodas a day. That's about 100oz. of sugary, carbonated crap every single day!

Thankfully, I do love water, but lately I've succumbed to the "have to" of soda. "You have to have a Coke with pizza!" "You have to drink soda with mexican food!" Get the picture?


2. I will eat one piece of fruit every day. Chances are it'll be an apple or banana, but I can work on variety later. Coincidentally, I've been getting a lot of toe and foot cramps lately and I hear bananas are good for that due to their amount of potassium.

3. I will eat three full servings of vegetables this week. (Yuck) Again, this sounds like a wussy goal, but I can't even remember back to the last veggie I ate. It has literally been months!

4. I will move my body every other day. I'm not actually using the word "exercise" just yet, because I couldn't last 3 minutes doing any type of real exercise.

Let's see how this goes.

PS. Anyone out there want to share their current goals or challenges?

"You can't handle the truth!"

Another great line, ladies and gentlemen, that works perfectly in this situation.

So the question is: What is the truth?

Here's what I know. I drink too much soda, eat too much fast food, hardly touch vegetables, and haven't done a lick of exercise since I was a teenager. I get backaches (sometimes spreading to the hips and knees) when I've been on my feet "for too long". I put that in quotes, because how long is too long anyway? I'm fairly certain my grandparents spend more time on the move than I do with fewer ill effects. I suck. That's what it all boils down to. I have a problem and I haven't done anything to address it.

Until now.

I'm about to turn 33 and I've been fat since the birth of my kid. That was 7 years ago, so there's no passing it off as "baby weight". In the beginning, it was easy to ignore it. I naively assumed my body would lose the weight naturally. I mean, hey, I didn't exactly have to try to gain it during the pregnancy! Plus I was on bedrest the last month (due to borderline pre-eclampsia) and had a difficult induced delivery. I waddled into the delivery ward at 205lbs and jiggled out at 204lbs. How is that possible when you just squeezed out a 7lbs 11oz. baby?!? I looked bloated and swollen for months afterwards and it was easy to blame the medical difficulties. Eight months later, the husband walked out (which was actually a blessing) and I filed for divorce. It felt almost easy to do, but the circumstances of my life still took their toll.

Waking up at the age of 26 to realize that you are fat (over 200 when you used to be 130), a single parent, hate your job, and have very few friends (most disappeared after the marriage) hardly inspires a girl to think positively about her body. Yeah, everyone has their own story of self-pity, but here's how this one progresses: As soon as the kid was old enough for pre-school, I quit my soul-sucking job and went back to school. I got a second bachelor's degree and applied to graduate school. That took me 1,000 miles away from the drama of the ex and started a new chapter in my life. I'm now creeping up on graduation (one year left in my program) and it is time to work on the outer me.

Thankfully, I've recently discovered that not every man vomits at the sight of a larger woman. I've got some good friends and have started to date once in a while. BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) is still a hard label to accept. It is subjective to begin with and always feels (to me) like a lie - like trying to put a positive spin on an ugly truth. I certainly don't want people to get the idea that I think "big" can't be beautiful. It can. But part of being beautiful is feeling beautiful. And I don't feel happy about my physical self. It isn't because I'm not a size 6 (I've NEVER been a size 6); it is because I won't go swimming with my kid due to the horrors of bathing suits. It is because I get winded climbing stairs. It is because I couldn't do the bungee trampoline thing at the funpark because I was over the safety weight limit. My kid asked why I wouldn't do it with him because he was scared. I lied and said my lunch wasn't settling right with me. I never lie to my kid.

So, yeah, the truth is I am a big woman and I do not feel beautiful. It is time to change that.

P.S. The pic above is by British artist Jenny Saville whose work deals with female body and often utilizes self-portraits.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

This phrase is so commonplace I actually had to look up where it came from. (By the way, it is attributed to Abbie Hoffman and first appeared in print in his book "Revolution For the Hell of It".) It works in a variety of situations and weightloss is certainly one of them!

So here were are. . . you, dear reader, and I, soon to be frequent blogger. The subject is weightloss. Getting healthy. Eating right. Moving the body. Notice I didn't say "getting skinny"? First of all, I'm trying to start with realistic goals. And second, I don't necessarily aspire to be rail thin, model gorgeous, or even a size 10. I just don't want to be what I am now. . . which is feeling tired, and fat, and dumpy.

Maybe you've been on your own personal journey or maybe, like me, you are just starting out. Either way, I'd love to hear feedback from folks. What are your trials, tribulations, and successes? There are a million diet plans, suppliments, words of advice, etc. floating around. I'm not looking to add to that, but there are an awful lot of us out there facing this same challenge.

Let's talk, let's act, let's win.