Again and again and again and again. . .

Christ almighty, this is my second day back at the gym after starting and stopping about four times since my last post (5 months ago). This is the state of affairs: I went on vacation and spent time in a swanky hotel complete with a scale. It said 230.

Oh.My.Fucking.God. For the third time in my life I officially weigh more than I ever have. I found new stretch marks (tiny purple ones) starting across my belly.

That's it. I'm done.

I don't know what to do about monitoring my food. I just never stick to anything - writing it down, counting calories, eating only off of small plates, whatever. I can say one thing, though. My budget is in a shambles right now and I have recently incurred the expense of before and after-school care for my kid. So. . . In theory I am too broke to eat out. Now if I can just stick to that, maybe it'll help a little.

Of course I just ate frozen pizza and bacon for dinner. But I did an hour at the gym this morning! I know, that doesn't really even out, but at least I didn't eat that crap and sit on my butt all day.

(Sigh)

Satan Made Me Do It!

I found this on the net, titled "The Genesis Diet"

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super-size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored candies to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained more pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and EPSN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Satan."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

Food Log: D6

Footlong Grilled Chicken breast sub from Subway (w/ three slices of tomato, lettuce, and mayo).
1/2 a package of bologna (the really bad for you cheap kind)
3 sticks of string cheese (they were taunting me late at night)
Bowl of Alphabits cereal
1 1/2 Dr. Peppers (fountain soda - I'm weak I know it)
3 handfuls of bitesize Twizzlers

I found this on a blog titled Style Matters(TM) (really, this is trademarked? Whatever.) which is written from Denver. I'm not including a link because I don't actually want to promote the site. Here goes:

"To me, Beyonce and Jessica Simpson are both chunky, not what’s expected of sex-symbol stars. They are both probably in better shape than most of us, but I wouldn’t want their thighs. Honestly, would you? (At this point I'm going to pause in the story to respond with, "Fuck yeah, I'd love to have a figure like either one of them, bitch!) The press seems to attack Jessica more than Beyonce. I’ve heard that African American women worry about their hair and white women about their thighs. Maybe that’s why there is more emphasis on Jessica. (Can someone explain this to me? Exactly what conclusions are being drawn here?) Whatever you think of their bodies, we wouldn’t be having this conversation if they were men, think of Ruben Studdard". (Well, isn't that the truth!)

These were not the two pics included of the aforementioned stars, however these did pop up elsewhere as "fat examples" of the two ladies. Anyone who thinks this is fat needs to have their head examined!

Food Log: D5

Bowl of Raisen Bran
1 fried egg and piece of toast
Footlong turkey sub from Subway (w/ two tomato slices, lettuce, and mayo)
2 packages of Stroganoff

Food Log: D4

Chinese take-out (Sweet and sour chicken, white rice, and crab rangoon)
Bowl of Raisen Bran
Leftover handburger patty
Mountain Dew

I can't remember what else!

Ban the Muffin Top

Skinny women, fat women, and in-between women all seem to fall prey to the Muffin Top phenomenon at alarming rates. With my most recent weight gain I am starting to sport one myself and that cannot happen!

Down with MT!

So here's the question to the woman on the left: Doesn't that hurt?? I know that my pants have gotten quite tight and it feels absolutely unbearable to me. And to the woman on the right: Do you not feel the breeze or see the marks of the waistband on your skin when you disrobe? Do either of these things not clue you in?

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than a person who makes them self look fat when they really aren't. Trust me, sister, it isn't a club you wanna belong to.

Peace out.

Food Log: D3

2 bowls of oatmeal
1/2 a Dr. Pepper (I just craved the taste of it)
1 slice of leftover buffalo chicken pizza
single serving of vanilla ice cream (hey, at least I didn't buy a whole carton!)
Bowl of Raisen Bran cereal
Bowl of Corned Beef (I've never had corned beef before, but it tastes pretty fatty and salty to me so I'm sure it is evil for you.)
Turkey sandwich - lettuce, two tomato slices (don't really like them) and mayo (not as much as usual, but my "usual" is extra, extra)

Food Log: D2

Bowl of cereal - Alphabits
Macaroni and Cheese (box -with way too much butter as always)
Pretzel bites, cheese dip, and medium soda at the mall (boo!)
Chicken alfredo leftovers
Tons of apple juice

Starting with the Numbers

Granted this is all very generalized info, I was just curious where I'm starting from. According to a particular website my BMI is 32.9 and I burn 2,392 calories at my current weight. I have no idea what I typically consume, but just for grins I might total it up one day soon just to know what my starting point is. But other than that I really hate this whole game of numbers. So I'm still sticking with the basic premise of eat better and move more.

Food Log: D1

Mountain Dew
2 Cheeseburgers (homemade, not fast food)
Macaroni and Cheese
3 bites of Chicken and broccoli Alfredo
3 pieces of homemade (by a friend) pizza

The Doctor's Scale

I don't even know what to say. I fell off the wagon then thought I was getting back on, but never got around to posting again and then everything just fell by the wayside. I have no excuses and so here I am months later starting all over again.

A couple weeks ago I found myself in the doctor's office and, of course, they saw fit to weigh me.

222 lbs.

The nurse said, "Oh, don't worry we knock a few pounds off to account for the clothing you are wearing." Riiight, because that makes it all better, doesn't it? This is officially the heaviest I have ever been. I call 195 lbs. my "floor weight" - meaning that the last time I tried to loose weight, I couldn't break that 195 barrier. A male friend of mine who uses his lunch hour to work out at the gym said he was told he could lose 50lbs by the end of August (gaining 10-15 lbs of muscle) with his current regimen. Damn, why don't I have an employer with a health club on the premises?

Anyway, he's one of my best friends and while we don't discuss weight issues (our convo was a one time thing), I can't let him get all fit and leave me in Fatsville.

I actually feel a little despondent saying, "Maybe this time I'll stick with it." Who knows. It is what it is.

I Fell Off the Wagon

Hardcore.

It started with my birthday. What a perfect time to throw caution to the wind, right? And then I went on vacation. When I got back I just fell right back in with my old really bad habits: fast food breakfasts and often lunches, as well. No veggies or fruits. Soda.

(Sigh) Time to start from scratch again!

What's That Green Stuff Served Before My Dinner?

Salad. Blech! But I'm trying a biteful here and there. Here are some tips I ran across on the internet today that might be useful:

" Salad bars can be diet salvation or junk-food minefields. Here's how to get from one end to the other without detonating an explosion of bad fats, sodium, sugar, and refined carbs.

1. Go dark on greens: Build a vitamin -- and fiber-packed --foundation by starting with roughly 1 cup of spinach and romaine leaves (for more than half of your daily vitamin A and all of your K, plus some C, folate, two potent vision protectors, and more). Skip'em: Lighter greens tend to offer less nutritionally. Iceberg lettuce, for instance, delivers only about 7% of the A you need, some K and not much else.

2. Go bright on veggies: Next, add about 1 cup of the most colorful crudités - broccoli, carrots, cherry tomatoes, green and red peppers, beets, like that. Ounce for ounce, vibrant veggies give you more fiber, minerals, vitamins, and disease-fighting antioxidants than their paler companions, like celery and cucumbers. Skip'em: Anything coated in mayo or an indefinable dressing, including carrot and raisin mixes, cole slaw, and potato salad.

3. Choose lean proteins: Aim for about ½ cup of these. Chickpeas and kidney beans are nifty sources of fat-free protein (6 grams each). Sliced hard-boiled eggs (8 grams) are another smart choice; just limit the yolk to limit the fat. Skip'em: Chicken, tuna, or crab salads - they're usually made with high-fat mayo; three-bean salad, which typically is afloat in a sea of oil; and cottage cheese, which is high in aging (read artery-clogging) saturated fat.

4. Sprinkle on extra flavor and crunch: Like cheese? Add 1 tablespoon of Parmesan (22 calories) to punch up the flavor, or 1 tablespoon of walnuts or sunflower seeds for some healthy crunch. Both have good-for-your-heart fats, which help your body absorb the nutrients in all those veggies. Skip'em: Cheddar cubes - you'll quickly eat more than you need; croutons - they may look harmless but at 100 calories per ¼ cup, they're usually high-cal booby traps of refined carbs, sodium, and trans fats. Ditto for crunchy Asian noodles.

5. Dress for success: Now swirl on about 1 tablespoon of heart-healthy olive oil, a splash of vinegar, a grating of pepper, and toss, toss, toss. Ask any chef. It's the secret to a perfect salad - thorough tossing ensures that all the flavors and textures are evenly distributed and lets you use minimal dressing to maximum effect. Skip'em: Walk right past those vats of ready-made salad dressings. Even the low-fat or fat-free versions are usually loaded with salt, sugar, and additives. And just 2 tablespoons of regular blue cheese or ranch have about 160 fat-packed calories
Ready? Dig in. Yum. Mission accomplished!

PS: Prefer a fruit salad? Easy. Go for whatever's fresh - melons, berries, pineapple, kiwi - and top with 1 to 2 tablespoons of chopped walnuts or sunflower seeds for a dollop of good fats and crunchy flavor. Then buy a small container of low- or no-fat yogurt/cottage cheese for creamy protein minus the sat fat in dairy foods. Skip'em: Syrupy canned peaches, apricots, pears, etc. They have far more calories and fewer nutrients than fresh fruit. "

Day Nine: Food Log

Well, let's see. . . Day nine was yesterday, so what can I remember?

* Bowl of Lucky Charms
* Chicken Casserole
* Lean Pocket (something with meat and cheese)
* Mt. Dew
* Grape Juice
* 8 Pringles
* Turkey Burger

Day Eight: Food Log

Uh oh. Day 8? Has it been a whole week? I never ate my veggies:-(

* Bowl of Lucky Charms
* Macaroni and Cheese (but for once I only put 2 spoonfuls of butter in it instead of an entire cup!)
* Chicken Potpie
* Chicken casserole again
* Water (from now on I'm going to quit listing the water. Assume I'm drinking it all the time, unless I specifically list soda or juice or something else.)

This doesn't seem like a lot of food (compared to normal), but I can't remember having anything else. I did a bunch of cleaning today, so I think it distracted me from food.

I've noticed that my biggest challenge comes late at night when I've just gotten home and I'm starving and have access to anything and everything in the fridge. I think that is when I've typically binged on really crappy stuff - like hot dogs (3 or 4 at a time) or ice cream or lunch meat or anything else handy that doesn't have to be prepared.

I might try counting calories in the future (maybe not every day), but I am a little hesitant. The more work it is for me to decide to eat something, the more likely I am to say "forget this!" and quit. (This is what I know from prior experience).

My goals for this next week are to finally work some veggies into my diet and to make a dish or two myself instead of eating prepackaged food packed with preservatives and sodium.

Size Doesn't Matter. . . Really

I went strawberry picking yesterday at a farm with some friends and it was quite fun. Seeing a farm that is not run by an agricultural corporation and the food it produces really shows you just how much they monkey with our food! What we buy in the supermarket has all been bred for size and color to make it look more appealing. We had to keep reminding ourselves that size did not matter, it was all about the color. Unfortunately, I don't even like strawberries, but they sure do look good!

The other stuff in the box is snap peas. I'm not a foodie and hate veggies, so to me they taste like grass.

*This is a cross post from another blog I write, but since it is about food, I thought it was applicable.*

Resist, resist!

I haven't eaten breakfast yet and my roommate just made a hot dog. It smells like the most delicious thing on the planet right now and I want 6 of them. (The bitch).

Day Seven: Food Log

* Cinnamon Raisin bagel w/ cream cheese
* Bowl of Cookie Dough ice cream
* Bowl of Raisin Bran cereal
* Chicken Pot Pie (cheapo Banquet brand)
* Heaping helping of Chicken casserole (broccoli, rice, celery, chicken)
* 10 Cheese Its
* Apple
* Water
* Dr. Pepper

No bike riding to work as it was downpouring! Maybe tomorrow?

Day Six: Food Log and Other Non-Fun Things

Today was bad. I don't feel bad, but my eating was crap and I don't even care. I feel neutral about it. I'm not upset or depressed over making poor choices and won't defensively claim that "I deserve to slack off sometimes". I just don't care. Neutral.

* Cinnamon Crunch bagel (probably the worst bagel for you on the planet) from Panera Bread w/ cream cheese
* Cafe Mocha (no whip cream and only drank half)
* Grilled Chicken honey mustard Snack wrap from McDonald's
* Small coke
* Chicken and swiss Boca sandwich (remember the paper towel?)
* Butterfinger candy bar and Dr. Pepper (from the vending machines at work)
* Baked Chicken breast with extra sharp cheese
* Bubble gum ice cream

I didn't ride my bike to work, either! Just walking and sitting today, I could feel the bruised area, so I thought it would do more harm than good and could use a day off. Too bad. . . the temperature was nice when I got off work tonight.